I’m not hungry

I’m not hungry. I’m not hungry. I’m not hungry. I’m not. Really.

I did it!

I’m over 40 pounds lighter than I was before! Hooray!

I have to post about this, even though I have a ton of work to do, because I’m hungry. Of course, I’m not ACTUALLY hungry. I’m head-hungry, which almost feels worse. I just want to eat something – something carby and junky. Candy or chips or bread. Mmmm.

So I need to focus on my progress, take a deep drink of this cold water, get some work done. And NOT eat all my vitamins just because I’m “hungry.”

So, let me give one last victory: yesterday I bought some size 20 pants AND THEY FIT! They’re a little tight – exactly like my 22/24 pants were a month ago. But I’m totally wearing them next week.

I also bought a couple XL shirts (that don’t look terrible) and an 18 swimsuit. I may even wear the swimsuit to the gym tonight for my water aerobics class (I skipped yesterday because of a headache). It’s in the wash (everything from a thrift store smells like a thrift store).

So, everything is going great!

I’ll leave you with a picture. This is me back in May (a couple months before surgery) and again yesterday. Definitely feeling the change!

photo

When you’re hungry…

1. Open the freezer door of your refrigerator and breath slow while counting to ten (the cold air helps distract from the thought of eating).

2. Jump or march in place for ten seconds.

3. Open the door, go outside and find ten things that are beautiful.

4. Splash your face with cold water.

5. Write down five reasons this food will not help you cope.

6. Call a friend, mom, or dad.

7. Play a computer game.

8. Go outside and pull weeds for three to five minutes.

9. Be a walk-in for a pedicure.

10. Be a walk-in for a massage.

11. Go to the book store (one without coffee or pastries).

12. Window shop and write down one item you want to buy that will look pretty or masculine if you don’t gain weight.

13. Tell someone you love them.

14. Ask someone why they love you.

15. Write down any and all people who have hurt you in your life. Next to each name write down why they still take up space in your head and heart.

16. Go to a store which sells make-up and try new shades of lipstick.

17. Look through magazines for a new hair-style.

18. Write down how your weight protects you.

19. Write down what is so scary that being overweight helps you manage.

20. Write down why everything else in your life is within your control but weight isn’t. (For those of you who tell me that you cannot figure this out…I believe you can.)

21. Write down why you refuse to take charge of this addiction to certain foods. Is it the food or is it you?

22. Be open and honest with someone regarding one truth in your life.

23. Throw out all of the “bad or trigger foods” in your pantry. You can also package them up and give them to someone who doesn’t have an issue with the same trigger foods as you do.

24. Do something small that someone else will appreciate. This includes picking up someone’s paper on the sidewalk and putting it up by their door.

25. Begin a plan for healthy meals at work. Write the meals down ahead of time so when you are in a hurry you won’t be able to use having no time as an excuse.

26. Walk a dog. If you don’t have a dog, find a neighbor and ask them if you can help walk their dog.

27. Don’t be alone anymore than you have to be.

28. Have a bag of carrots at all places you usually eat and chomp on them instead of other food.

29. When the urge to eat is strong, have a list of chores that you can do to replace eating. Make sure the list is nearby and immediate. You will feel so good completing something that needs to be done.

30. Have someone you can meet up with during lonely times of the day.

31. During times of boredom write down five ways you are going to give back to make someone else’s life better this next week. Begin the list during times you are bored.

32. Go to the library and look at interesting books.

33. If you have been hurt sexually in your past, get in touch with that. If it is too painful to think about, that is a sign you need to talk with a counselor—it is part of the reason for your out of control eating.

34. If your marriage is unhappy, talk to your spouse today. Try not to be critical but know it is underneath your need to eat. Stop sacrificing your health and put the focus back on the relationship.

35. If you are unhappy living alone, write an ad and/or tell friends you are looking for a roommate. Living alone is difficult and not healthy for many people. We are social creatures, we need others. Also living alone with a weight problem keeps it going as there is too much alone time and isolation from others.

36. If you are a single mom or dad, begin a babysitting co-op. It is a good way to meet other parents and will afford you the chance to get out while another parent watches your child in turn for you watching theirs.

37. Find other people who struggle with their weight. Talk to them.

38. Join or organize a group who will exercise, hunt, or play ball. Any activity is good.

39. Join a church. Churches offer support, community, and a place for spiritual enrichment.

40. Take a bible study course, sometimes accepting God into your life heals the food addiction.

41. Get a set of dumbbells for your home. When you are bored, you can lift weights in front of the TV which is usually on when we are bored.

42. Take a class from leisure learning or your local university. Learning new things reminds you that you’re bigger than the food addiction.

43. Hug your children, spouse, and friends more than you are used to.

44. Whenever possible, walk. Park your car further away, walk instead of emailing a colleague, and always walk with your spouse and/or children. Obese people who stop walking really do stop believing they can overcome their weight problem.

45. Get a Karaoke machine or sing to the radio. Sing, sing, and sing. Singing is magical and you cannot eat and sing. It doesn’t matter how out of tune you are, just sing. Sing in the car instead of stopping for fast food, sing when you are alone at night instead of eating, and sing when you are shopping so you won’t sit down and eat.

46. Drum to the beat of a song on the radio or your computer. You cannot eat and drum.

47. Carry a toothbrush and toothpaste and brush your teeth often. Your teeth will look better and food doesn’t taste as good after brushing. Brushing breaks the cycle of eating.

48. If you break down and buy a trigger food, take out one serving only and throw the rest of it away, or give it to someone else.

49. Add up all the money (every receipt from fast food too) you have spent on food and challenge yourself to plan a vacation in the next six months. Take the excess money from food and put it toward your vacation account. People are amazed at what they spend on food for a week. Many times they spend mindlessly. Just as smokers forget how much they spend on cigarettes, people who use food to manage emotions forget how much they are spending.

50. Rinse your mouth with mouthwash often. To eliminate a craving many of my patients are rinsing their mouths with mouthwash more than six times an hour. It’s okay, they are learning to manage a feeling with a healthier habit than eating.

51. Sketch a scene. Go to the park, the museum or sketch a vase in your home. Anything is good material.

52. Finger paint with a child or by yourself. Finger paint is cheap, freeing, and it is impossible to finger paint and eat.

53. Make something with clay or paper mache’.

54. Have at least one person who knows of your struggle and is there for you. This person is someone who loves you and, when you want to binge, this person will be able to tell you that food cannot love you, but they can.

 

~ObesityHelp.com

Hard night

I’m dying for junk food tonight! Sad times.

No fair!

A bunch of people on my board (who had surgery AFTER me) are allowed to eat! And not just purees either! I just want purees! No fair!

Keep your fingers crossed my dietitian lets me eat after tomorrow! 

Still hungry, but okay at the moment

I had some golden mushroom soup this afternoon. I decided it was foul, so I tried some beef broth. It was better, but how much of that can anyone actually eat? 

Anyway, with 2 things made and tried and failed, I feel like eating for today is over. I’ve been drinking a lot,, and I had some calcium (2 more tabs and I’ll actually have everything I need for today!), so I’m not hungry. It’s actually easier this evening. 

Also, we took a talk – a tiny bit over a mile. Teacup enjoyed it and went down better. I walked off some frustration. I burned 100 calories (well, 95) I feel better. Tomorrow I’ll have a different soup. 

I also did a bunch of measurements and recorded them. There will probably come a time when I have my book near enough my computer to transfer them here, but for now, let’s just say it was all way higher than I’d like to admit. 

Anyway, there’s a positive (ish) post. Tomorrow is Sunday – perhaps a long day, but I hope to find something to do). Then Monday I go back to work. Monday afternoon is my PCP appointment – a followup on blood sugar. Tuesday I see the surgeon and dietitian. I really, really, really hope she tells me I can eat purees. I NEED some food! So that’s what I’m holding out for.

Proactive

Our nanny is eating something at the dining room table. When her fork scrapes against the plate, I’m uncontrollably hungry. It’s really rough right now. 

So I’ve decided to be proactive. Husband, Teacup, and I are going shopping for school stuff and a birthday present. I think out and about with my protein shake and plenty of water should keep me from thinking about how much I really, really want some of those sour cream and onion chips they’re eating.

Another rough one

“You won’t be hungry”

“You won’t crave carbs”

Maybe that’ll be true once I can eat, but at the moment I think I’ll label these “lies my surgeon told me.” 

I’ve been so hungry today – miserably so. My family had chili dogs. I tried my hardest not to cry. 

I tried to make some new food today – something different, but it was a disaster. Tomato soups all have sugar or corn syrup added to them; bet you didn’t know that! So I tried to make my own, but it was horrible. I don’t recommend it!

I’ve had only 1 protein shake today – and I didn’t quite finish it. I just don’t want anything sweet. I did take my multivitamin and my iron. I did have my shot and my antidepressant. I did get out of the house. 

But I’m still feeling down, really, really down. I know this won’t last long. I KNOW that. I know that once I eat again, I’ll be better. But right now? Every hour hurts.

And speaking of hurts, my shoulder has been killing me for a couple days now. Husband can rub it really hard (I have a bruise) and make it better for a few hours, but it comes back. I don’t think I’m doing anything to it, so what’s up? Stress?

To try to ignore everything, I’ve been working, but now I’m at a road block. So, I have to find something new, or maybe just go to bed.

Tonight, I am miserable

I am so hungry. I just want a piece of cheese. Or some pureed chicken. Or a bite of SOMETHING. I feel like my stomach is growling and I can’t fix it. I’m SO sick of sweet things that I just can’t swallow them. I made some French onion soup only to discover that it’s DISGUSTING. Never had it before. Never will again. I had cream soup already today, but I may have to make more. 

I feel like crying. This is so hard. I just want food. Anything. Not more protein shakes or more bitter yogurt or more broth. If I’m already sick of things like my protein shakes, how will I ever last??

Wednesday

It has been 1 week since I’ve eaten anything. 

I guess that’s not entirely true. I can have yogurt. That’s kind of like eating. And I can have strained soups – although that’s really more like drinking than eating. In fact, the only thing I have chewed at all is a calcium tab yesterday.

I’m doing well, I think. I’ve been out every day I’ve been home – Walmart, my parents’ house, the doctor. I don’t know what I’m going to do today, but tomorrow I’m going to try to go to work for a few minutes – just let my boss know what all is going on and have my sister and son help me unpack boxes (I’m a teacher and it’s almost time to put things back together for the new year – of course I can’t pick anything up over 10 pounds until well after the kids get back, so I’ll be relying on help for pretty much everything. Fun!) I don’t know how long I’ll last at work, but I’m excited to go. 

That has been the focus of my day so far, but it’s not pertinent to this blog, so changing gears:

I just stepped on the scale. I’m 12 pounds lighter than Sunday! I don’t actually believe that, really. Seems like a LOT. Seems a little unlikely and even scary. But I tried 2 scales and they both said the same. 

So, here’s what I have so far: 174 on my first visit. 167 by the time surgery came around. 168 at home a couple days after surgery (talk about discouraging!) 164 on Monday at the sleep place (a scale I’d stood on and so knew I’d lost weight) and now 156/155.8 on the two scales here at home. I definitely need to start an excel graph. I really like those! 🙂

Either way, I’m sure I’ve lost something! Maybe not 19lbs, but still some.