SO BUSY – and yet…

So, I’ve been super busy, which is good, because I don’t seem to do well when there’s downtime. Still, I’m ready for Spring Break and some planned downtime. Snowdays? Not so much. 

Anyway, the biggest update is that I went to a therapist last week. I don’t feel like it went very well. I didn’t care for her. We didn’t click. I found her hard to understand. And even though she was nice, I just didn’t feel like I could really tell her things. I’ll probably give her another chance just because I’m too chicken to call and cancel. Then again… I may not. 

She harped on me being depressed the whole time I was there. I was depressed. I was hormonal and frustrated, sad about my best friend moving, upset that I’d stalled… again. But I wasn’t there for that. That really isn’t so much of an issue. What I need it motivation to stay on track. That was something I got the feeling she didn’t know how to offer. Her suggestions weren’t good (and there weren’t really many of them) Mostly she said, “you need to figure out how to be motivated.” No kidding! Help me with that! That’s why you were recommended!

Anyway, thinking about that day and about having to go back makes me sick. I really think I need to find another place to go. Or I need to just not go at all. In some ways, I feel worse now than I did before I made the appointments. 

I am handling the depression issue better though. I have some things to look forward to that aren’t weight related. For one, I have a party this weekend. The weather has finally started warming up. I have some summer plans – the park, the pool, leaning up the yard. Probably a theme park or two now that TeaCup is a little older and I’m thin enough to ride a few things. 

And yes, I’m still absolutely down and out depressed that my friend is moving. I won’t get to see her. But I’ll probably survive. And maybe she won’t stay away that long. Hopefully. 

I have GOT to figure out this vitamin thing.

That’s my goal for tonight: figure out how much I need, how much I have, and what my vitamin schedule should be. 

At some point, I may post about my appointments today as well. But for now: I get to eat more and more variety. I get to hold my son again. I’m going to start water aerobics. 

And now I’m going to go have dinner. Not sure what, but there will be hummus!

Great news!

Not only have I lost 20 pounds, but I’m allowed to eat again! Purees and anything I can squish with a fork. Eggs and canned chicken are ok. Tonight I’m having a soft scrambled egg with a tiny bit of low fat cheese and chicken. I think I’ll also try a bite of cottage cheese! I’m so excited!

Still hungry, but okay at the moment

I had some golden mushroom soup this afternoon. I decided it was foul, so I tried some beef broth. It was better, but how much of that can anyone actually eat? 

Anyway, with 2 things made and tried and failed, I feel like eating for today is over. I’ve been drinking a lot,, and I had some calcium (2 more tabs and I’ll actually have everything I need for today!), so I’m not hungry. It’s actually easier this evening. 

Also, we took a talk – a tiny bit over a mile. Teacup enjoyed it and went down better. I walked off some frustration. I burned 100 calories (well, 95) I feel better. Tomorrow I’ll have a different soup. 

I also did a bunch of measurements and recorded them. There will probably come a time when I have my book near enough my computer to transfer them here, but for now, let’s just say it was all way higher than I’d like to admit. 

Anyway, there’s a positive (ish) post. Tomorrow is Sunday – perhaps a long day, but I hope to find something to do). Then Monday I go back to work. Monday afternoon is my PCP appointment – a followup on blood sugar. Tuesday I see the surgeon and dietitian. I really, really, really hope she tells me I can eat purees. I NEED some food! So that’s what I’m holding out for.

Am I crazy? Short answer: no

Yesterday was my psych screening. It was at an office I’ve been to a bunch of times for therapy (not something I ever thought I’d do, but one of the best things I’ve ever done!), so that was nice and not so stressful. I did see someone new, though, and I kind of feel like she went onto of her way to make things more stressful than they had to be.

Basically, she had a questionnaire she had to fill out. Not that she told me this, but that ended up being the process. We were NOT there to share feelings, apparently.

So it started out friendly, if a little strange. I had to sit on a bench in her office – no comfy chairs for Ava this time! She also went over (and over) the policy regarding privacy and how she wasn’t a medical doctor… Okay. Got it. Then she asked me questions. The first one was “tell me about your weight history.” That’s all. No more detail. Um, okay. Starting in childhood? Starting when I decided to do something about it? So I just started talking. I told her that I’d been pretty okay until late high school, then gotten married, realized I couldn’t cook or adequately cope with…anything, found out we couldn’t have children, the one thing I’d wanted since I was 14, and gained a lot of weight. Then I started to tell her about the diets I’d tried. But she interrupted me. That was a later question & couldn’t answer it yet!

Okay.

So she asked more questions, and I answered. At one point, she asked if my surgery had been scheduled yet and I told her it was the 8th. I think that upset her. She responded that I had to be cleared by her first and she didn’t clear everyone. It wasn’t rubber stamp. She might not clear me.

Um. Okay.

So after that, I tried to be really nice and give good answers, but I was still truthful. I mean, I’m not crazy. I am a good candidate for this surgery. I do have a spurt system and a good understanding of what to expect. I’ve done my homework. Back off the power-trip, lady!

The useful things that came out of this appointment (other than being cleared), were this. She asked me if I’d chosen a protein supplement yet, and we talked about my fake-sugar sensitivity. That really made me think and ultimately do research (more on that later). And she asked what I was going to do when I got stressed or upset and would normally reach for food. Good to think about. I need to research some more and make a plan for that, because I do think it could happen. I’m not a comfort eater as much as I’m a vindictive eater. Something pisses me off and I want to eat the worst thing possible. For example, I left that appointment a little flustered by her overall attitude and how it was different from what I was used to, so I went to Taco Bell and ate grease! Well, because of that and because I won’t be able to do it after next Thursday!

So, here is some great information if anyone else finds themselves wanting a protein drink but not being able to tolerate aspartame and sucralose. There are a TON of other options. I even found one powder that you could buy unsweetened. I guess you could add that to any kind of food. I can do the stevia, but not any of the other artificial sweeteners, so I found half a dozen options.

DC’s Protein Formula on truenutrician.com
Harmonized Protein on progressivenutriton.com
True Athlete from VitaminShoppe
Gold Standard has one
And there’s a Blue Bonnet isolate drink as well. I can’t find what that one is sweetened with.

So that’s a huge relief. I’m going to see if I can find some today so I can taste Them before surgery. That will be one thing I don’t have to worry about!

One more appointment to tell you about, but that’s for another post. And as I’m about to go to lunch and to who, it’ll have to be later.

Ava

Sleep study part one

Tuesday, I went to the first appointment with he pulmonologist for my sleep study. They were a little horrified that my surgery is so close. I think they usually have a much longer window to get things done. She wanted me to spend the night there, but that was not possible, for which I’m kind of glad. How would I ever sleep there?

Instead, they did a very thorough exam of my upper body, had me fill out a 30 page survey that took almost an hour, and scheduled an at-home sleep study for Monday. I guess I go Monday, get the equipment to track my sleep, learn how to put it all on, then come back Tuesday and return it so they can look at the data. She seems to think its likely that I have sleep apnea. I hadn’t ever thought about it, so either I’ve just been totally ignorant (kind of likely) or she just sees it everywhere.

I did learn some interesting things, though. The reason they’re so concerned is because of the risk of respiratory issues after surgery. Apparently people with sleep apnea are at higher risk. Then there’s the fact that they numb your diaphragm during surgery, which increases risk, and the issue of note breathing deeply because you hurt-just all kinds of breathing issues. Now, what they’ll do to counteract any of that in the ONE DAY between getting results and having surgery, I don’t know, but more power to ’em.

I also learned that my tonsils have almost completely grown back! Creepy!

So while that was my longest appointment so far, it wasn’t all that useful. But I am getting really good at surveys!

Pcp appointment

Okay, going back to Monday. I had my appointment with my pcp to get medical clearance for surgery. I don’t think he was thrilled I was having it, but he cleared me! He also changed some meds and started me on some new ones (boo!)

So, my blood pressure was high, and now I’m on hydrochlorothiazide and potassium. I’m not thrilled about this at all, but I’m hopeful that I’ll only be on it for a very, very short time. I also had to have my meteor in charged from the time released 750mg pills to something that could be crushed. So now I take 500mg tabs, break them in half and take 250mg 3 times a day.

According to the pharmacist, my citalopram is crushable already, so I guess that’s good.

Complete list of daily meds:
20mg citalopram for depression and anxiety (mostly so that if I spill something or forget to do something or burn dinner, I don’t burst into tears and have to crawl back in bed).
250mg metformin 3x/day for blood sugar
12.5mg hydrochlorothiazide for blood pressure
Potassium to replace the potassium I lose with the hydroblahblahblah
Soon to add a multivitamin, b12, iron, and calcium
And protein shakes

Other than new meds and a checkup, my doctor gave me the necessary referrals for my other checks, told me my lungs were clear, my stomach normal, my gallbladder healthy, and my liver, as expected, somewhat large. I see him again in three weeks.

Short and Sweet

I owe you a longer post. I actually have a few updates, but I’m on the way to a friend’s house shortly, so I don’t have the time. 

I’ve been to 2 more appointments since my last post – my primary doctor (where I got medical clearance for surgery) and the pulmonologist where they are working on scheduling a home sleep study. 

Today, I have my psych appointment. I’m not so nervous about this one, because it’s at a place I’ve gone before. 

Also, I finally slept (my cold is FINALLY going away), so I’m in a pretty good mood. 

Well, I’m off to draw horses and swim!

Later!

AVA

80% done with today’s appointments

Originally, I counted two appointments today: the hospital and my pcp. However, after the hospital visit, I’ve decided it was more like 4 appointments there. This morning, I had an ultrasound, an xray, a blood draw and an EKG. 4 different offices=4 different appointments.

Everything went very well. They drew 8 tubes of blood, and I have to go back on Tuesday of next week for the last two blood tests. The guy who drew my blood was great, though. I didn’t feel a thing at all. Better than testing my sugar! So that was a pleasant surprise.

Now I’m going to nap a little before my next appointment. I didn’t sleep at all last night because of the coughing. I finally have some more Mucinex, so ok hoping for a break in the hacking.