In a funk

I’m having a bad day. It’s 8:26am and I’m having a bad day. It started when I got dressed. No, I guess really it started when I weighed myself. And then took my pants off and weighed myself again. I didn’t lose ANYTHING. WTF?? I know sometimes you stall, but I feel like I JUST finished with a stall. I need to lose again! I’m not even losing a pound a day. Or 1/2 a pound. I want to lose 25-30 pounds a month! Not this 2 pounds in 2 weeks crap!

So, I know that’s unreasonable, but I’m disappointed and angry.

And then it continued. See, I was already feeling bad about yesterday because I ate so much. I had almost 900 calories! I got all of my protein in for the first time in a while, but at what cost? Now, I know that this won’t kill me, but I just ate and ate and wanted to eat and eat some more. It was like it used to be. I don’t know if it was stress, or the weather, or just enjoying the taste of food too much, but it was bad.

And then today, I made breakfast (egg and cheese) and lunch (mushroom burger) and a shake. And by the time I put it all in, I’m only 67 calories away from 600! I guess that means this afternoon and evening I can only have 67 calories before I start feeling guilty.

I’m supposed to be feeling great today. It’s been 2 months. I’ve lost 48 pounds. I did water aerobics last night and didn’t come close to dying. I should be feeling great.

Instead, I feel like a failure.

And it’s affecting everything. I’ve been grouchy and strict with kids – not that they don’t need it, but still. I messed up on some accounting stuff at school (forgot to turn in some money) and it nearly made me cry. I WISH I could go home “sick” today. I’d go to the gym. I’d walk Toby everywhere. I’d blog and grade essays and watch TV and embroider. And it would be wonderful.

Maybe that’s what I need – a mental health day. A weekend. A sick day – something.

Next entry: happy things to put me in a better mood. Also, I may find an MP3 player I want to order. Also, I may listen to music during planning – or organize the filing cabinet.

Or I may wallow. Tough to say!

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