“You’re really skinny!”

That’s what one of my kids said today. TO ME! He said that to ME! Holy shit!

I’m having a pretty good day. I’ve been working for a while now on figuring out who I am. It’s a lot of work! I’m working on what my style is as I buy new clothes. Now there are options, so what kinds of clothes do I like? This isn’t really something I’ve had to think much about before. 

I’m also working on what kinds of music I like. On New Year’s Eve, I was asked what my guilty pleasure song was. I didn’t have an answer, and not because I was embarrassed, but because I really didn’t know. So I’ve been working on that. 

I’m also working on becoming more… grown up, I guess. I need to be able to make phone calls to strangers (the receptionist at the doctor’s office, the Best Buy guy, a realtor) without feeling ill. I need to be able to insist certain things get done a certain way. I need to be more assertive and brave. To that end, I’m going to a support group meeting Tuesday. I’m canceling an appointment with the sleep specialist and being done with that stage of my life. I’m shooting a wedding in a couple weeks, I’m going to a toy party this Saturday. 

I’m also working on positive body image – which I guess is kind of what this whole journey is about. I have 30 pounds to lose to reach my 150 goal. 150 is technically still too overweight. I’ll still have a belly. I’ll still “need” to lose more. But that’s my main goal. And according to my weight tracker, I should make that goal in early May. 

Which is perfect, because I have already announced and decided that I will be wearing a bikini at the lake this year. It won’t be as pretty as many of the bikini bodies at the lake, but it’ll be a real body. It’ll be what people look like when they’re normal. And it’ll be so stellar for me that I’ll be thrilled, if really naked-feeling. 

I do think I’ll do some ab work before then, though. I could at least tighten things up a little! 🙂

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